This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
