No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
