Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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