Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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