I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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