i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
