he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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