I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
