i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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