we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
