im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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