i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
