you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
