Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
