boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
