I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
