bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize