dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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