I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize