I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
