i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
