So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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