he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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