Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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