East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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