I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
