i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize