We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
