Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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