Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
