we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
