Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
