Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
