i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
