Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
