It's just like the Real World with babies
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize