I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
