What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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