I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
