We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
