so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
