how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
