I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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