i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
