She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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