If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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