4 words: hood of his car
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
