That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize