dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
