So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
