I wish my penis had an off switch
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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