you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
