How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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