i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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