I can tuck mytits in my pants
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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