Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
