Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
