im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
