She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
