Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
