Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
