I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who died my cat blue again?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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