But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
