what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
