It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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