I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
