**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
