i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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