My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
