is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
soo... how was my night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
