I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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