I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think people are normalizing furries
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
