i just had sex bonerless
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize