it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
