Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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