You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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