Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
