We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
