She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
