I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
