Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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