remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
