His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
