Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
