bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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