honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
