my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
