someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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