i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
