White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
