I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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