New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
