I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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