for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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