Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
