I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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