from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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